Wednesday, December 01, 2004

What is A.H.O.Y?

Asshole Of the Year.

Since 1974, people across this great planet have voted each year for the man or woman who best evokes the largest exit ramp on the human thruway.

Now, thanks to that 20th Century mechanical miracle, the Internet, you can vote too!

Rank your top 10 choices. Post them in the "comments" section below.

We'll do the rest.

Soon an anxious world shall learn the name of the famous name who has earned the name...

A.H.O.Y. '04!

23 Comments:

Blogger Teri said...

In our well-worn but fool-proof tradition of Democracy in America -- that endorses endorsements from the dead, that promotes counting with fingers AND toes, that makes Maureen Nolan cry -- the Supreme Court of the United States has bestowed upon me the right to cast my A.H.O.Y. vote on behalf of our lean, mean and extreme leader, George W. Bush, aka Ja Bull.

And with this proxy power, I want to show the nation, my appreciation for the 59,054,087 people who have made the next four years possible.

That's right, all 59,054,087 of them. They're assholes, each and every one. No contest.

Let me know who comes in second, er, 59,054,088th.

Have fun and miss you all,
Teri

4:54 AM  
Blogger El Duque said...

1. Osama (remember?)
2. George W.
3. Jared of Subway
4. Richard Branson
5. Tom Delay
6. John Ashcroft
7. Zarqawi
8. John Kerry
9. Ron Artest
10. Kevin Brown

Hell with them all.

4:21 PM  
Blogger Superfrankenstein said...

1. Donald Rumsfeld, teflon torturer.
2. George W Bush, his boss.
3. Dick Cheney, his boss' boss.
4. Tony Blair, poodle.
5. Kevin Brown, don't get me started.
6. John E. O'Neill, Swift Boat Veteran For Lying Bullshit.
7. Mel Gibson, Are jew lookin' at me?
8. Michael Powell, tit.
9. Donald Trump, arrested developer.
10. Lynndie England, because someone has to take the fall.

5:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From losthawk:
1. Karl Christian Rove, aka "Turd Blossom". "By Any Means Necessary"
(actually if I could put Rove up 10 times I'd just do that.)
2. Richard Bruce Cheney aka "Go fuck yourself." (Quote: "I expressed myself
rather forcefully")
3. Donald Henry Rumsfeld, the man who gave us aspartame and HDTV. "It's an
enormous country - you know, it's bigger than Texas! Or as big, I guess - I
haven't looked lately."
4. Qaedat Al-Jihad (Base of Jihad) "Fallujah's Funniest Home Videos" (Group
that takes credit for many of the Iraq beheadings, including Nick Berg, and
may be responsible for shooting CARE worker Margaret Hassan.)
5. Army Specialist Charles A. Graner, Jr. "Abu Ghraib's Candid Camera"
(Father of Lynndie England's child. Quote: "The Christian in me says it's
wrong, but the corrections officer in me says, 'I love to make a grown man
piss himself.' ")
6. Alberto R. Gonzales, our next Attorney General, aka Mr. Obsolete and
Quaint. (Quote: "The GPW does not apply")
7. Zell Bryan Miller "Fellow Democrat"
8. Justin Timberlake "Wardrobe Malfunction"
9. Michael K. Powell (see #8)
10. Suha Tawil Arafat "He's not dead yet"

6:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

losthawk adds:
Y'know, looking back over the years, some of our past assholes were just so *innocent* compared to the current crop. I mean, Anita Bryant? Jeez. I wish Anita Bryant was the worst of our problems today. Hell, I wish Richard Nixon was the worst of our problems today...
Sigh. Apparently I can post from work, by the way.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Superfrankenstein said...

You got that right, losthawk. And I'm starting to think the 10-person ballot is a relic of the 70s. The people I didn't have room for this year keep me awake at night. I mean, Ahmed Chalabi...!

3:39 AM  
Blogger Roger Stern said...

So many worthy choices this year. But, boiling it down to the top ten...

1. GEORGE Wot-an-asshole BUSH - Political Capitalist
2. Richard Cheney - Married With Gay Children
3. Osama Bin Laden - Campaign Contributer
4. Karl Rove - "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"
5. Richard Perry - Donor
6. Donald Rumsfeld - Fully Employed
7. Condi Rice - Head of State
8. Paul Wolfowitz - Leader of the Pack
9. Tommy Thompson - Food Taster
10. Michael Powell - F*CC Me!

8:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I vote for Mary Kate and Ashley as one?

3:30 PM  
Blogger El Duque said...

Anonymous,

No. But they count as one and one-half.

4:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbie? Are they one-and-a-half, too? And who would win in a fight: Mary Kate and Ashley vs. Jenna and Barbie.

6:49 AM  
Blogger El Duque said...

Anonymous,

You have just defined the essence of A.H.O.Y., because nowhere else in the real world can the twins of Bush battle the twins of "New York Minute."

We could hold a challenge match between them. And what a battle it would be!

Clearly, the Bush girls are bigger, stronger, wilder, and they possess great inherited guile and charm.

But the Olsens are smarter, thinner, more disciplined, streetwise, and they have learned the power of acting, which is the art of deceiving with their eyes.

Frankly, if these two powerhouses pairs were to do battle, I can think of only of one winner: The fans.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Buffalo:

1- Tom Delay
2- Karl Rove
3- Donald Rumsfeld
4- Mel Gibson
5- Michael Eisner
6- Pedro Martinez
7- Tom Brokaw
8- Sean Hannity
9- Victoria Gotti
10- Alan Keyes

7:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Vermont

And the 2004 nominees are:

1.) John Kerry
2.) Kofi Annan
3.) Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
4.) Michael Moore
5.) Dan Rather
6.) Osama Bin Laden
7.) John Edwards
8.) Howard Dean
9.) Teresa Heinz-Kerry
10.) Ron Artest

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#1. George W. Bush; #2. Bill O'Reilly; #3. Rush Limbaugh; #4. Ann Coulter; #5. Zell Miller; #6. John Ashcroft; #7. Donald Rumsfeld; #8. Mel Gibson; #9. Paris Hilton; #10. Barry Bonds

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Pennsylvania

happy ahoying... 1 george w bush 2 jason giambi 3 barry bonds 4 ron artest 5 pedro martinez 6 howard stern 7 jim boeheim 8 university oj notredame board of trustees 9 rush limbaugh 10 cat stevens.....

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Staten Island

1. Dubya
2. Cheney
3. Rove
4. Rummy
5. Wolfowitz
6. Z. Miller
7. Arnold S.
8. Kerik
9. Scott Peterson (Don't know his political affiliation, but I know the other nine scoundrels!)
10. Guiliani

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Maryland


1. Bill O’Reilly
2. Bernard Kerik
3. Judith Regan
4. Dan Rather
5. Glen Campbell
6. Ron Artest
7. Ashleigh Simpson
8. Michael Jackson
9. Jason Timberlake
10. Donald Trump

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Mike in Seattle:

1. George W. Bush
2. Donald Rumsfeld
3. Dick Cheney
4. Condaleeza Rice
5. Osama bin Laden
6. Kobe Bryant
7. Victor Conte
8. George Steinbrenner (DRays Revenge)
9. Zell Miller
10 Britney Spears

12:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Albany

1. Rummy the man in charge. allegedly
2. Ihor P. Smeshko -- server of Dioxin Soup du Jour. allegedly. great
name.
3. W. doing the hard work. allegedly.
4. Kobe. cleared of charges. allegedly
5. Barry Bonds I'll take whatever you hand me. allegedly.
6. Osama. compassionate conservative. allegedly
7. Antonin Scalia. disinterested. allegedly.
8. Zell Miller. democrat. allegedly.
9. Tom Delay. sanctimonious.
10. Hart Seely -- put a letter 'o' instead of a "0" on AHOY mailer.
allegedly. and lifetime achievement award for smearing so many over so
many years.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Scott E. Amundson said...

1. John O'Neil I'm never gonna grow up!
2. that journelist that wrote Plan of Attack
3. GWB but who can blame the guy
4. Kerik boning Judith Regan isn't bad enough, he's got to do it behind his wife's back and in front of the WTC crater.
5. John Kerry Bad Loser
6. Will Smith
7. Ja Rule
8. Carson Daly
9. Jared
10.Osama

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Massachusetts

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Massachusetts

1. John Kerry
2. Mary Kate
3. Ashley
4. Josh Brolin
5. Barbara Streisand
6. Matt Drudge
7. Jared
8. Rumsfeld
9. Ashcroft
10. Nomar

11:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello AHOY team - it's Jay and Marie from NC.

01 Karl Rove
02 Dick Cheney
03 Donald Rumsfeld
04 George W. Bush
05 Bill O'Reilly
06 Sean Hannity
07 Rush Limbaugh
08 Tom Delay
09 Antonin Scalia
10 Condoleeza Rice

Stamps will be in the mail!

4:21 PM  

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